I really wanted to become a Mom

Before the impressions of that big, white day of life had even faded,
I was already stroking my belly, with a question buzzing in my head like an annoying fly:
“So… when will I see those two victorious lines?”

It didn’t take long.

And after 9 months, with a loud cry, Do—the captain of my heart—greeted the world.

Though, to be fair, that greeting cry… lasted.

And instead of a “captain of the heart,” he was more deserving of the title “little screamy rascal.”

Seeing this, our relatives would just shake their heads:

“Ah… looks like Viktarytė and Tumukas will stop at one…”

When Do’s character softened a little, I raised my eyebrows again—watching my Husband unwrap his 30th birthday gift.

As he was opening it, he was guessing what it might be… hoping for a watch.

What he got was… well, something quite similar.

A device that counts a 9-month term.

And then, Patricija fluttered into our arms.

And then—when a “normal,” full family life had already settled into its rhythm—we went on another adventure.

I vividly remember one person’s reaction to the news that I was expecting No. 3:

“Really? But you already have a boy and a girl!”

After that sentence, I fell even more deeply in love with the little life already stirring inside my belly.

Not long after—again, 9 months later—today, exactly 4 years ago, My was born.

The administrator of all matters—whose position won’t be taken away anytime soon.

Wild and sweet all the way to the sky at once.

Today, standing in a kingdom of balloons, looking around at all the themed decorations, I sigh—

when everything around me is full of cozy autumn themes, with little hedgehogs, mushrooms, and pumpkins…
I find myself standing in front of dinosaurs.

“Can I help you?” a kind saleswoman asks.

“That autumn theme is really beautiful,” I compliment.

She starts showing those truly lovely decorations.

“But I’m going to buy ugly dinosaurs,” I conclude.

She bursts out laughing and says:

“You’re a good mom—for choosing the ugly ones when there are so many beautiful ones.”

Driving home, I think—

if we had stopped at the “perfect” two,
I wouldn’t be buying ugly decorations now,
I wouldn’t be ordering toddler-style birthday rooms,
I would have “outgrown” kindergarten illnesses and three-year-old crises.

I’d probably have fewer wrinkles and less heavy eyelids.

I would have slept more nights
and visited more countries.

But.

By now, I would have already forgotten
what that crazy, naive, irreplaceable feeling is—
that you are UNCONDITIONALLY NEEDED.

The corners of the house would no longer echo with
“Mom, where are you?”

And before falling asleep, a little hand wouldn’t search through the sheets asking:

“You won’t leave, even when I fall asleep, right?”

Sweet dreams.
From a Mom who never leaves. ⭐️
V.