A week plus has grayed me.
\nEight days I\u2019ve \u201cspoiled\u201d myself with dreams not of the sweetest sort.
\nI did everything I could just so my thoughts wouldn\u2019t let loose.<\/p>\n
Tomorrow I\u2019ll scream.
\nI\u2019ll scoop them up into my arms and hold them tight for a long, long time.
\nUntil he himself starts murmuring, \u201cMom, enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
Until the pale hairs, the unpleasant dreams, and all the minutes spent creeping from corner to corner\u2014waiting for that invisible time to \u201calign\u201d\u2014are compensated.
\nWith my heart\u2019s captain, Do.<\/p>\n
Silly, that motherly nature.
\nNot even silly\u2014straight up foolish.<\/p>\n
At first, you encourage.
\nSupport.
\nMotivate\u2014\u201ccross the sea of hair, jump through all the puddles with a smile.\u201d
\nYou explain (mostly to yourself) that the boys need to be pulled from cozy little woes,
\nThrown into deep waters so they learn to swim.<\/p>\n
And then\u2026
\nAfter saying goodbye,
\nAfter tearing away part of your own heart\u2014all those \u201cphilosophies\u201d vanish, who knows where.<\/p>\n
\u201cPeek-a-boo!\u201d you shout at the disappeared ones.
\nAnd they are silent\u2014without a single \u201cmur mur.\u201d<\/p>\n
Just a week ago, they were loud and confident.
\nNow they are quiet, making room only for:<\/p>\n
Sharp questions:
\n\u201cIs it cold? Are you hungry?\u201d<\/p>\n
And painfully stabbing doubts:
\n\u201cAre you scared? Does it hurt? Are you too tired? Are you sick?\u201d<\/p>\n
Until I experienced these \u201csharp\u201d thoughts firsthand, I would hear a sigh from a mother sending her children off to strict camp conditions and think:<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy let them go, Mother, if it\u2019s so hard for you to stay?\u201d<\/p>\n
And now\u2014after having walked to the other side, the side of letting go and waiting\u2014I quietly and sincerely embrace all the mothers who wait, graying, dreaming unpleasant dreams, marking the days until reunion with their heart captains.<\/p>\n
Like shooing an annoying fly, yet even in that fleeting thought, I think of those mothers who send their children not to 8-day strict \u201cwar camps,\u201d
\nBut to places where farewells are indefinite, without the word \u201cplay.\u201d<\/p>\n
When I let one more thought, one more question, jolt through my \u201cstabbing thoughts and sharp questions,\u201d
\nI realized there are far scarier experiences in life than turning gray faster or dreaming bitter dreams.<\/p>\n
This time\u2014<\/p>\n
For the heart captains.
\nAnd their mothers.<\/p>\n
For the fact that they grow up.
\nWe love them no less for it.<\/p>\n
And for the fact that we should never have to join the ranks of those mothers who let go, not to camp, without the word \u201cplay.\u201d<\/p>\n
N E V E R.<\/p>\n
I embrace you all,
\nV.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"template":"","class_list":["post-17809","istorija","type-istorija","status-publish","hentry"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/viktorijos.devbrothers.lt\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/istorija\/17809","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/viktorijos.devbrothers.lt\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/istorija"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/viktorijos.devbrothers.lt\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/istorija"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/viktorijos.devbrothers.lt\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17809"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}